Knowing something in your head is often so different from KNOWING something.  Confusing, I know.  Let’s try this again. Seeing and recognizing that you have certain knowledge in your memory banks, doesn’t always mean you that you have fully comprehended that knowledge.

I have spent years knowing that it is important to not get stuck in a rut and to change things up to keep from getting stagnate. Somewhere along the way, those things that I chose to do to change things up a bit, became a part of my rut.  I didn’t fully recognize this until I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something uncharacteristic and new.  I talked to people I don’t know, I opened up and was vulnerable to them. I invited criticism from them.  I sat beside some who I know to have had disagreements with me. I just was. I was fully present in every way. I looked them in the eyes and let them see into me. Yeah, I had some moments where I wanted to shut down or put up the walls.  I made a conscious choice not to and instead just examine where that feeling came from and in turn what it was that I was afraid they would see.  That is another blog entry. 😉autumn rust

After I came away from the weekend experience of being open and vulnerable and experiencing the new, I found that I wanted more of that.  I took a good hard look around me and my present lifestyle and realized how much I did rushing head long on a straight line course, just to get it done.   My time was filled up and overflowing with things I loved doing but they had become a chore to be checked off on a list.  A list that was so long that it was ongoing and never  cleared of its tasks. When did this happen? Why did this happen?

I had stopped taking the long way. The scenic route is what gives us pleasure and fulfillment on the road to where we are going. Stopping to smile and talk nonsense to the little five-year old, plastering your bedroom wall with maps of places you dream about, sitting with a friend in her livingroom drinking wine and talking about love, having a giggling fit in the middle of an intimate moment, and just taking the long way home so you can listen to the radio and sing longer.  These are all things that fall away for me when I start taking the short cut home so I can get to my list of things to do.

I still have my list. I am a list person and so that will never go away. I do however have a different perspective on accomplishing that list. The important things to me now exist in between the lines on that list and every time I look at it, I remember those are what keep me happy and fulfilled.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by every moment that takes your breath away.” Anonymous

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